Summer TV programs – Give your brain a break already

For some reason, the sun always sets. Even in the summer. I know, I know… it’s a total drag. Fortunately, that’s where the gloriousness of television’s summer programming comes into play. If you’re like me, without DVR, that means usually catching your favorites in some form of Megavideo-like, illegal-watching capacity.

Most people believe that the crème de la crème of programming is saved for the fall. This is simply untrue. You see, it’s all of the mindless, frivolous shows that are aired during the summer. Shows that serve only one purpose – entertain people while they’re not sunning at the pool or drinking Boone’s Farm on a boat.

I am a fan of both mindless and frivolous.

So, here’s what I’m mega-psyched to indulge in during some boring, summer nights…

1. Wilfred

FX, June 23

This is the only new show on my list. In all honesty, I’m awful and keeping up with the shows I already unfaithfully follow. So, I don’t think that adding another show to my lazy, to-do list is a good idea. However, for this show, I’ll make an exception.

From what I gather, this the basic premise is that Frodo Baggins (you know, the kid from Flipper) is a severly fucked-up dude who makes friends with his neighbors dog, whom he sees as a drinking, smoking guy in a dog suit. I’m not sure what about this doesn’t seem fantastically hilarious.

I am pee-my-pants excited about this show. It is my most-anticipated of the summer by far. If I weren’t so opposed to exclamation marks, I would use them. Oh, what the hell. I’m fucking stoked! From the very few previews that actually give anything away, it seems that the tone and sense of humor is going to fit my personality perfectly. Still, I have this awful feeling that this could also be the show to really disappoint me.

2. Toddlers & Tiaras

TLC, June 15

If you’re into watching kids be exploited on stage and freaking psycho stage moms, this is the show for you. Every week is the same, and every week is incredibly satisfying.

Little girls being dressed up as adults in order for their parents to satisfy their own self-centered drive to be validated? Duh. I’m totally in.

Secretly, every time I watch this show, I feel like I was cheated. What was my mother thinking passing up on this opportunity to help me achieve my life’s purpose?

3. Big Brother

CBS, July 7

Reality TV at its absolute finest. Big Brother is pretty much a no-brainer. Each season is essentially identical to the last. Attractive housemates sitting around in bathing suits and competing in ridiculous, humor-infused competitions in order to avoid eating oatmeal and getting kicked out of the house.

Inevitably, season 13 of Big Brother will be the same as the previous 12… awesome. Fifteen people living together in a house and just going at it. Sneaky, backstabbing to ensue. Just like high school, only pretty much every contestent is smokin’ hot.

4. Ice Road Truckers

The History Channel, June 5

I guess I just love watching people drive stuff across ice, because that’s essentially all this show has to offer. Although, apparently there’s a lot more to it than that.

Just to clarify, no, I am not stoned when I watch this.

This one I’ll blame on my dad. I mean really, does it seem like something that I would, of my own free will, select from the variety of shows that I could be watching? No. But I find myself enthralled. It’s fascinating, people. If you turn on The History Channel for only one reason, let this be it.

5. True Blood

HBO, June 26

Let me start out by saying that I ship Eric and Sookie so hard, and if something doesn’t seriously happen between them this season (as in extreme vampire sex), I may me done with True Blood.

This is one show that I never meant to get into. If that were a totally honest statement, then I guess I never would have turned it on. Alas, curiosity got the best of me, and I could resist no longer. I was hooked pretty much immediately. First of all, Anna Paquin is freaking adorable. Then there’s blood, violence, sex and trashy Southerners with hilarious accents. I just can’t help myself.

xoJane will suck out your soul. Suck it dirty.

When I say “suck out your soul”, I mean in a good way. As in, you’ll like it and beg for more.

Remember Jane magazine? You don’t? I’m just going to assume that we could never be friends and be slightly aggravated by the fact that I have to enlighten you on topics of the truly-rad. Feel free to skip ahead if you’re already an awesome human being.

It’s at this point that I should mention Sassy. Jane‘s predecesor. I’ve got to be honest, though. I mean this in the least annoying way, but I’m totally too young for that…

So, Jane. It was a women’s magazine, created by Jane Pratt (also the creator of Sassy). It wasn’t your average, rode-hard-put-away-wet-formatted mess like Cosmopolitan or Glamour, though. It took a few steps into the future, actually, with articles that were written with a blog-like voice from women that could have actually been your friends. That is, they could have been your friends, assuming that you were hip, outspoken and generally badass. It had a previously unused, cutting edge, cynical tone and promoted the idea of individuality and female empowerment.

It came across some mixed reviews. Some, like me, absolutely adored it. Some, of course, not so much. Hey, you can’t please ‘em all, am I right? After a 10-year run, it hit the wall in August 2007. Although, I would argue it was probably dunzo when Jane Pratt left as the editor-in-chief years before its actual demise.

End of history lesson. Whew.

Fast forward more than a few years, and my life has been blessed by the wonder that is xoJane.com, a sort of reincarnation of Jane, only it’s a tech-savvy, blog version that plays upon the best attributes of the former magazine (Hello, Makeunder! I have missed you!) and adds a new, invaluable asset – community. In fact, I’ve enjoyed reading the comment sections of each article almost more than the articles themselves.

I just can’t get enough. Can’t stop, won’t stop. Where Jezebel just fucking fails at joining empowering women and also accepting less-than-fundamentalist-feminist beliefs, xoJane saves the freaking day. It rocks my world.

With “traditional” magazine-like sections, there’s a little somethin’ somethin’ for everyone, but my personal favorite of the website is anything and everything Cat Marnell. I lust over her writing. She has an awesome, conversationalist voice in her style that is penned (err…typed) with wreckless abandon concerning grammar or hurting anyone’s feelings. OK, and I also think that (in a non-creepy-stalker way) we could be best friends. Hi. Hello. We’re alike.

“Pre-Jean and pre-Lancome I was, like I said, disgusting. Disgusting-looking and disgusting inside, because I couldn’t love myself! No, not looking like that. You see, I only love myself when I’m extremely good-looking, and thus the beauty product stakes are always high.” – from Yes, you probably could be better looking: This self-tanner changed my life

 

Outside of my Cat obsession, I’m totally into Inside Jane’s Phone. Maybe it’s because I’m a journalism major, but I’m incredibly fascinated with this woman.

Of course, I’m also a sucker for DIY projects, and I love that beer-brewing DIY and janties-making DIY exist in the same universe.

WHY are you still reading this, anyway? Hasn’t this been enough foreplay already?

xoJane.com

Additional reading:

• Can Jane Pratt’s xoJane.com preach to the snarky?
  Sassy magazine’s former editor, who spawned a generation of witty and cynical female bloggers, hopes her site appeals to 18- to 49-year-olds.

My very own trashy summer book club

Even though I spent the entirety of my high school years attempting to hide it, I’ve always been a semi-nerd. I say “semi” because I’m not a full-on, learn-to-speak-the-Vulcan-language-of-Spock-because-Star-Trek-gives-me-a-boner breed of geek. However, I do observe May 4 as an official holiday in my life, have had the Syfy channel saved on my cable favs list since it was was the SciFi Channel, and I may even know a thing or two about comic books.

So, while the other kids were spending their elementary school summer vacations doing cannon balls at the pool, mine were spent surrounded by stacks of books in a literature-infested hibernation. The stranger, younger version of myself was eager to forgo the sunshine and read instead.

The most recent version of myself (which I will call “Molly v. 25.3″) does not miss a single opportunity to roast like a carefully-prepared Thanksgiving turkey in the summer sun. Oil, flip. Oil, flip, beer. This methodical practice doesn’t allow me too much time for reading anything of substance. I cannot possibly concentrate on the delicate art of tanning and be expected to maintain a reading comprehension level higher than that of a fifth grader.

So, I’ve decided that I will shed my sometimes-pretentious attitude towards book selection and dedicate my summer to reading things with a highly-vapid tone and/or those books specifically marketed to the young adult crowd. I’ve started a list of my own, but I am open to suggestions of chick lit I can devour over the next few months. I am somewhat concerned that this could become an ongoing addiction, yet welcome the possibility that this becomes a mainstay in my life.

My summer reading list

1. Flowers in the Attic – V.C. Andrews
2. One for the Money – Janet Evanovich
3. Does the Noise in My Head Bother You? – Steven Tyler
4. Earth: A Visitor’s Guide to the Human Race – Jon Stewart
5. Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children – Ransom Riggs
6. Free Gift with Purchase: My Improbable Career in Magazines and Makeup – Jean Godfrey-June
7. Lies That Chelsea Told Me – Chelsea Handler (suggested by Jennifer)

Any additional suggestions for trashy, summer reading would be greatly appreciated. My list is pretty meager at the moment.